just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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