I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
