You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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