im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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