Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
