i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
