Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you inspire me to be a worse person
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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