I wish I could punch you in the face.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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