1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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