I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
