1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
