Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
