And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
soo... how was my night?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
