This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
