There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
