im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
