So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
