I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
