For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
