what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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