i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
