Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
this is an emotional support booty call
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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