When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
