My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
