you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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