Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think your dad took our porno
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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