I'm eating all of the evidence.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
