am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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