weddingsv make me drug and hornr
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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