the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
