Im at strip club and am horny
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
