Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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