I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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