dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
