Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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