i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
