Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
