Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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