perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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