everyone is single if you try hard enough
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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