dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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