Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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