I accidentally burped into my bong.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
