So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
