and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
