that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
