I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
