Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
