Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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