2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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