OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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