oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
